Home Alone?

My brother and I were pioneers-not in the sense of settling new territory-but trailblazers in the early fifties for the 'latch-key' and 'daycare' and 'child care' kids that were to follow. The Fact Sheet on School-Age Cildren, SACCProject, Center for Research on Women, revised 10/95 reports says,

According to the Bureau of the Census, in 1991 there were 36.7 million children between the ages of 5 and 14 living in the U.S. Approximately 24 million (of these) school-age children require child care."

Two thirds of the school-age children in America spend more of their time raised by someone other than their parent; we are a nation that gives someone else the responsibility of raising our children. Is this really a problem? Only time will tell, but in the meantime, we would be wise to consider the potential effects of spending more and more time in the workplace or other activities and less and less time with our children. My brother and I are not alone in the 'home alone' classification. The report continues:

"…latchkey children are at a significantly greater risk of truancy from school, stress, receiving poor grades, risk-taking behavior, and substance use…"

That explains a great deal about me and my brother, but how many children are we talking about nationally?

"Exact figures are not available, due to parent's reluctance to report that they leave children alone."

How the children spend their time, regardless of self-care, daycare or parent-care should also be a significant concern. The report says,

"Children spend less than 10 percent of their waking hours in school. Schools typically open for less than half the days of the year, and when open provide care only until mid-afternoon. Children spend more of their out-of-school time watching television than in any other single activity. Children's television viewing has been associated with lower reading achievement, behavior problems and increased aggression."

What is the spiritual impact on the children? The Bible is very specific about the quantity of time parents need to spend with their children to raise them. God instructed Moses to tell the Israelites:

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 6:5-7 NIV:

"…when you sit…when you walk…when you lie down…when you get up…" We're talking lots of time-and not just quality time. The parents were to use every opportunity to impress on their children the importance of their faith in God. Many today say they don't want to influence their children's beliefs in God. I don't follow their reasoning. Would they prefer letting someone else do that for their children? If so, someone will; the question is, 'What will that person believe'? Will they be 'dying to chase comets'? Personally, I like God's plan. I prefer my wife and me 'impressing' our beliefs about God on our children rather than letting someone else do it. I bet you agree: for example, would you like me to impress my religious beliefs on your children…or would you like to do it?

Many parents complain about the type of person their child has become, making it clear that it is the child that is at fault. God has a different view of who is responsible.

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

What should we expect from a child 'trained' by a television? What should we expect from a child trained by someone other than us? What should we expect from children left to themselves with a challenge, "You need to learn to be resourceful and fend for yourself"? God gives the forecast for that child:

"The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother." (Proverbs 29:15 NIV)

Once again, God puts the responsibility for their outcome in the hands of the parent-not the child.

What is the responsibility of the child? Following the lead of the parent. Ephesians 6:1,4 instructs us:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Fathers, do not exasperate your children;

instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Children don't mind obeying; they simply become exasperated when we are not there to 'bring them up'.

Where do we begin? First, we must decide what we believe about God. Second, start spending more time with the children. Third, as they get to know us, they will want to know what we believe…and they will ask. When they do…we need to have the integrity to tell them.

In the future, when your son asks you, "What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the LORD our God has commanded you?" [You reply.] And if we are careful to obey all this law before the LORD our God, as he has commanded us, that will be our righteousness." (Deuteronomy 6:20,25 NIV)

Hopefully, our children will not need to rely on God's 'backup' plan:

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. (Psalms 27:10 NIV)

It depends on whether you want to be the one influencing your child's values, morals and beliefs-specifically beliefs about God. Some people think they should not try to influence their children in their spiritual beliefs. I've never understood why that is a good idea. Is it better to let them go to college and have someone else influence them? Thank you, but I'd rather be the one.

So! Back to the issue of time with our kids. Changing the economic issues that drive us to spend more time working than with our children is difficult to change, so what should

What does this mean? Probably that one day a commission will be appointed to conduct a two-year study on "Children of the Work Force", and produce a 2400 page report on children raised by someone other than their parents. What will the report say? It depends on whether or not they call me!

I find it very interesting to consider whether these changes in the immediate family have affected the current spiritual temperature of our nation. How can the effect-if any-be detected, measured or quantified? It would be very difficult…perhaps even impossible to do. But! One of the things we can do is look at ourselves in light of the standards for the family in the Bible.

Very early in the Bible, God directed Moses to teach the Israelites:

God wants parents to 'impress' His commandments on their children all the time…every time the family is together. The implications are that 1) the parents know and believe God's commands, and 2) They spend a large quantity of time with the kids. This is only a problem if 1) The parents don't know or believe in God's commands, or 2) If they spend very little time with their children.